Another Exquisite Christian Hottie Idea

Is my Christian Sweetheart Dr. Gabriele Pauli in the wrong party? Perhaps I don't understand her party.

Gaby, my muse du jour, this past Wednesday (9/19) put forth another brilliant brain stimulus.

This time the twice divorced hottie is pleading for timelimits on marriages. After seven years of marital bliss (or not) couples would have the option to dissolve their union or extend it. Marriage is not about security she reminds her male colleagues, it is about documenting the love between two people (I love the fact that she didn't say between man and woman).

The media savvy redhead, knowing that such a spectacular proposal could not escape front page treatment, opens her argument by humbly admitting that this might be a thought one has to get used too., taking some thunder away from her critics.

She continues to display world-class skills in pissing off those lame, catholic, male mammals who run that political party she belongs to. It seems their asscheek muscles are weakening, and the skidmarks left behind are forcing them to go on the offensive. One of them compared her ideas to the dirt under one's fingernails.

Anxiously awaiting the continuation of this priceless saga...especially since even Yahoo News gave this nugget the frontpage treatment, three days after the Man With A Big Van's initial story.

Copyright 2007 Man With A Big Van
Picture used without permission

Sex & Drugs & Golf

Not much beats live golf on TV at 2 AM. Such was the case on the East Coast of the US during last week's playing of the Solheim Cup broadcast from Sweden.

Creamer, Gulbis, Pressel, Lincicome, all somewhat shtuppable one way or another...but what's with the ribbons and face-painting ladies? It's not Best-In-Show.

Perhaps a page out of the Swedish book of natural beauty is advisable, i.e. Pettersen & Wessberg.

Do men who paint their faces for sporting events (as participants or spectators) dig women who do the same and visa versa? Speaking exclusively for myself, I do not see the attraction. As a matter of fact, on me it has the opposite effect.

Nevertheless, the winner really seems to be women's golf. Babies, you've come along way from the boob with the British accent commenting how boobs got in the way of a woman's golf swing. For completeness sake I have to mention the pleasure I received from it being called the Solheim Cup rather than the Ping Cup. So my hat is off to you Mr. Solheim. A minor issue on the surface, but certainly magnified by the final leg of Fedex Cup being played on the men's side. What an ugly trophy that is.

Speaking of ugly, what's up with Gary Player's comments about steroids use on the PGA Tour? He claims that he knows for a fact that "some golfers are doing it". Who Gary? Tell us. Or are you saving it for a book?

In an uncertain environment, narrowing down the possibilities always seems to help. Two players who are definitely "not doing it" are John Daly and Corey Pavin (although his recent re-emergence is surprising now that I think of it). To round it out, two players who "might be doing it" could be Rory Sabbatini and Tiger Woods.

I have always misunderstood drug testing in sports, it is afterall about performance.

Why not drug test more "important" professions, like Lawyers, Investment Bankers and Financial Advisers (boy do I have some stories to tell and I just might later on), Doctors, Politicians, Police Officers, etc.

In the brilliant words of Eddie Izzard, who doesn't understand why athletes are tested for Marijuana, "if you can win the 100 yard dash on performance debilitating drugs, power to you".

And finally, because I love Golf, there should be a law preventing fat slobs who cannot break 90 from acting as professional golf writers. They are incompetent. As good as it is to have live golf on TV at 2 AM, it's much worse to read the fortune cookie golf philosophy of such writers the next morning. I wonder what dirt Cannizaro has on Murdoch....

Copyright 2007 Man With A Big Van
Picture used without explicit permission

A Hottie Christian

It's about time. Cleavage on the campaign trail. Who better to expose the hypocritical, infantile morality lessons courtesy of the religious right than a conservative politician.

Dr. Gabriele Pauli, since 1990 chief administrative officer of the rural district of the city of Fürth in Germany (she won the 1990 elections with 50.4% of the votes, was re-elected in 1996 and 2002 with 59.1% and 65.4% respectively) and member of the conservative CSU (Christian Social Union) party has her male party colleagues throwing one diva tantrum after another.

This rising star fearlessly exposed the lame stasi-like attempts, spearheaded by CSU leader Edmund Stoiber (the Bavarian prime minister has long been known as "The Blond Guillotine"), at digging for dirt in her private life with the specific goal of discovering something along the lines of an alcohol problem or an overdeveloped libido.

Acknowledging the importance of Gaby's efforts in exposing his true colors, Stoiber told her "You are not important". The mouthpieces of the CSU, be it the right-wing press of Bavaria or their internal press office, goose-stepped to Stoiber's marching drum and labelled her the Jeanne D'Arc of Bavaria or more simply, the witch.

As a christian conservative, Stoiber's views on women, marriage, homosexuality and foreigners are transparent. It doesn't matter whether one is from Bavaria or Texas....conservative shmonservative....these clowns continuously exhibit the obnoxious arrogance of turning everything into good vs evil. Needless to say, a breast of fresh air is always refreshing but especially tasty in this scenario.

To make a long story short, Gaby's efforts and courage are being rewarded. Herr Stoiber is stepping down as head of this old boys club effective 9/30/07 with Gaby taking a shot at replacing him. Go Gaby.

On the campaign trail, she is just smoking. A photo-shoot done for the magazine Park Avenue has her donning latex gloves and is merely exhibit A. Post-publication it did result in Stoiber measly lobbing his last strand of funky venom by telling anyone who would listen (and at that point there weren't many left) that now "the genie was out of the bottle".

Anyone with half a brain, even Stoiber, who is googling images of Gaby is rewarded. From miniskirts, cleavage and leather motorcycle gear on a Ducati to just pleasant photos of an attractive woman who has no fear and shook the throne of one of the oldest ultra-conservative boobs (looking at this guy I see some Larry Craig similarities - Four Boobs and a Pastor posting) in international politics who does not consider women equal to men.

Most likely Stoiber will spend his remaining evenings sitting in an arm chair, his lovely wife kneeling at his feet polishing his shit-brown knee-high boots, exposed for who and what he is and stands for.

Thank you Gaby and good luck. The world is a better place because of people like you.


Copyright 2007 Man With A Big Van
Photograph used without explicit permission